Life.

Life.

The single most complex thing on this planet.

Just the simple fact of being is so hard to grasp, just think. Everything you do; the blood pumping through your veins, every simple breath you take, every step, every sight you take in. Not to mention all of life that is in being around us; the lapping of water on a seashore, the setting sun, the waves of grass in the wind, the chirping of a small bird on your way out the door. Its always there, but we tend to miss it due to our busy schedules, our "lives" that we all have. It is just all so complex, so beautiful in its own small way that we tend to overlook what we all have at our fingertips.


Then there is our "lives", the things we center around when we ignore the rest of the world. The drama, the heartache, the "love", the pain, the friendships hurt and lost, and the new ones that are forged. Everything gets in the way, blocks our view, blinds us from what is good for us. Most of the time well sit there saying how much our lives suck. Everyone looks at our lives in the worst ways sometimes, and its understandable with all the drama and pain we all deal with. Sometimes it's with friends, or family. Other times its personal, but it always hurts and it builds up, especially in these years now. Partially it is made by us, and we can hate ourselves for it. Some of us have had those nights where its just to much and we cry ourselves asleep. That's the pain we have to learn to live with till it becomes a bearable memory, and we try not to commit the same error. The other part is different, uncontrollable, and more difficult to cope with. This pain is caused by our friends and family, branches from the drama and the heartache, the want, the sorrow that is in all of our lives. This is the one that truly can destroy the closest of relationships, deeply hurt the ones your care about the most and leaving scars that may never fully heal. Nothing is worse than this. The feeling of betrayal and sorrow can tear a person apart.


This last year i have both felt pain, and selfishly dealt it. I have hurt so many people closest to me, and burned bridges i fear can never be mended. It scares me to know what i have done, and i have lain awake at night feeling it eat and tear at my soul. I have hurt both my friends and my family. i have never made a stupider mistake in my short life, for friends and family are what you have to keep you going throughout the heartache and pain and sorrow that life brings your way.


Although you may never read this, to my friends i still have, and to those i have lost due to what i have caused; I am sorry. I have scarred my soul with this atrocity of what my life had become, and although i may never truly mend the connection between us, i hope that you all know before it closes completely, that my apology is true and heartfelt. I am truly sorry.


I have tried to write from my heart tonight, so im sorry if this is confusing. To anyone else who's reading this and is very confused, take the first part to heart. Next time when u walk out the door in the morning, take in what your seeing. Enjoy the scent of a new day for a few seconds, listen to that bird calling in the morning sun, think about all that you have missed; and live.